I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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