it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
