some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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