It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I think your dad took our porno
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
