Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
