Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
