I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
