you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
