I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You've changed since you got that strap on
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
