The best revenge is premature balding
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
