why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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