"it" just moved
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
