walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
And then my night got REAL pukey
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
