i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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