if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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