I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
