Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
