Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
