Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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