I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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