Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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