I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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