He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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