he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
