i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
