I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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