are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
