I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
