mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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