He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
