Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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