You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
