Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
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Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
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just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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