I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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