Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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