guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
