So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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