For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
