I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
