I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
