I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
