so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
