I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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