is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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