You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm getting married
To pizza
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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