getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
