Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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