So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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