I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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