i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
