Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
