She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He told me they were just razor bumps!
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you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
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The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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