The maid of honor just puked.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
