So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
