I think I am morally bankrupt
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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