On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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