I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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