I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
