Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
