When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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