I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
People in love make me want to vomit
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
