i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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