You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
