I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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