I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
This show inspires me to have sex in space
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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