Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
