What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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