Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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