she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
