forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
