finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
