Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
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