I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
