Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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