Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
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She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
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Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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