I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Randomize
